INTERLUDE: Not a Creature was Stirring (A Watson and Bix Mystery)

 Chapter 5

Just Settled In

Cup a Critter Continues

The party cheered as Watson once again purchased another round of beverages.

"You blokes are quite skilled at this game," Watson said. "Mr. Alfie. You caught my hermit critter once again."

"Oh, please, Dr. Watson," Mr. Alfie said. "No more questions. You've been at it for nearly thirty minutes."

"You're not troubled by the disappearances of so many men in the vicinity?"

"Is that your question, sir?"

All eyes turned to the dapper-looking fox pulling on its white gloves.

"I don't believe we've met."

"You're Dr. Oliver Watson, noted criminologist. That's your assistant, Lieutenant Colonel Bixley."

"And you are?"

The fox swung his top hat onto the top of his head. "Allow me to introduce myself. Professor Thaddeus Foxhound."

Professor Thaddeus Foxhound

"Professor of?"

"Algebraic Tendencies. You, Dr. Watson, appear to be searching for answers regarding recent events here in Leedcrack and the surrounding areas."

"I am."

"More specifically, an individual."

"Correct again, Professor Foxhound."

"Who is the individual you seek?"

"Mr. Albert Rodenthurst."

An uneasy silence fell over the patrons. Even the hermit critters stopped running about the tabletop.

"I'm sure you've heard of him," said Watson.

"Aye," said Mr. Alfie. "We've heard of him..."

A possum played a flair on an old piano.  Rather than being dramatic, the notes were weak and out of tune leaving a sour taste in our ears.

The Piano Player

The revelers picked up their pints and moved to tables closer to the stage. Watson and Foxhound stared across the table at one another as Kitty Server collected all the hermit critters.

A limping chinchilla stepped onto the stage.

Mr. Chauncy Pifflecrimp, the MC

"Thanks to Barry the piano player. Welcome all to the Sugar and Plum. I'm Chauncy Pifflecrimp, your MC for the night. I'm also the house comedian."

"Nothing funny 'bout that," cried one of the men down front. This made the crowd laugh. 

Pufflecrest pressed on. "Stop me if you've heard this one..."

"Stop" The audience spoke in unison. 

A lone man said, "We've heard them all. Just bring out Echo Chambers already!"

The chinchilla MC tipped his hat and with great aplomb made the announcement.

"Please welcome, Miss Echo Chambers!"

The cheers were thunderous.

INTERLUDE: Not a Creature was Stirring (A Watson and Bix Mystery)

 Chapter 4

Just Settled In

I knew from the moment the doorbell chimed the challenge was before us. It had been far too long since Watson and I partook in a mystery. I was not at all surprised to hear Watson tell Mrs. Rodenthurst he would look into the mysterious disappearances of the men of Leedscrack. No sooner did Mrs. Rodenthurst depart than we did the same.

I chose the Balhomey coupe. 6 litre with the V8 engine. four-hundred and-twenty-five horses under the hood. Leedscrack was a good distance away but I had us there in under an hour. 

The Road Trip Duo

Leedscrack. Never was there a place of more wretched scum and villainy. Like so many other small villages and towns, Leedscrack was far enough away from the city that many a fugitive migrated there.

The Sugar and Plum

The Sugar and Plum appeared quaint enough from the outside. Watson and I were given the usual once-over by the regulars, a crop of aristocratic rodents playing Cup the Critter on their table. Their server saw us and invited us into the tavern.

"Don't be shy, gents," she said assuredly. "Welcome to the Sugar and Plum, where visions of fantasy dance in your heads!"

Rowdy Regulars

The rowdy rodents cheered. One finished his pint of cider and in one fell swoop, brought the empty glass down upon the critter scurrying around the table. His compatriots cheered.

"Looks like Alfie's got the next round!"

This generated much laughter.

I headed up to the bar thinking Watson was behind me.

I was wrong. He had wandered over to the table to witness the game up close.

"What is the purpose of your game, gentlemen?"

Being familiar with the game from my infantry days, I knew what Watson was about to get himself into if he attempted to join in for a round.

"Well, sir," a ferret said. "Each man here has a hermit critter on the table. When someone yells, 'Go!', we see who can finish his drink the quickest and snatch a hermit crotter. Whoever's hermit critter he catches has to buy the round."

Cup a Critter

"That sounds like a rollicking good time. Where do I procure a hermit crotter?"

"Ask Otis there behind the bar,"

Watson turned to the bar where I stood about to pay for our beverages. A cuppa for him and a spiced milk for me.

"Bixley! I say, Bixley! Ask the proprietor for a hermit critter."

Otis the Barkeep

For those unfamiliar with the hermit critter, it's a small species found primarily on prairies. Like the bee, the prairie critter, also known as the hermit critter for its tendency to live alone, helps pollinate crops.

I turned to the barkeep.  "And one hermit critter."

He lifted a long, thin slab of slate and quickly caught a hermit critter with one of his tentacles. The barkeep then stretched across the room and deposited the creature onto the table. 

"I call that one Robby," the barkeep told me. 

I carried our drinks over to the group.

The party laughed when I handed Watson his drink.

"You can't play Cup the Critter with a teacup," said one of the players.

Watson appeared confused. "Why not?" 

"The cup is too small to hold a hermit critter!"

"I'll play, Watson," I said. "My glass is--"

"Quite all right, Bixley. If I lose, I lose and that means these gentlemen win."

"You'll go broke playing these blokes," Kitty Server said.

"Let's make it interesting then," Watson said. "Each time I lose, whichever one of you has caught my hermit critter must agree to answer a question."

"We could be here all night, Kitty! Tell Otis to start pouring!"

The players cheered.

"All right, gentlemen," Watson said. One. Two. Three. Go!"

The Game was Underway

INTERLUDE: Not a Creature was Stirring (A Watson and Bix Holiday Mystery)

Chapter 3

I Sprang 

I sprang into the room for Mrs. Rodenthurst began to faint at that very moment. I caught her just before she toppled into Mrs. Quill who was carrying a silver tray with the tea service upon it.

"Well done, Colonel!" Watson cried. 

I helped Mrs. Rodenhurst to the sofa. Mrs. Quill poured her a cuppa. 

"Will that be one lump or two, madmae?"Mrs. Quill asked.

"Two, please, ma'am. And a spot of milk."

"Splendid." Mrs. Quill prepared the tea and handed it to Mrs. Rodenhurst. Mrs. Rodenthurst took a sip of the tea.

"Oh, that is good."

"Thank you, Mrs. Quill," said Watson. "The Colonel and I will manage from here."

Mrs. Quill turned her nose to the ceiling and softly 'harrumphed' her way out of the room.

"Now then, madame," Watson said matter-of-factly. "You were about to tell us of some monstrosity you witnessed."

"Oh, Dr. Watson! If I hadn't seen it with me own two eyes, I would not have come here."

"Seen what?"

"The abduction of me husband Albert of course!"

Mrs. Rodenthurst 

Watson tented his front paws. "I see."

"You saw it too?" Mrs. Rodenthurst cried.

Watson shook his head. "No, ma'am. That is merely an expression. An acknowledgment of your statement."

"Oh, I see," Mrs. Rodenthurst said before lapsing into a fit of giggles. "I see! I see!"

"Are you all right, Mrs. Rodenthurst?"

"Oh, pardon me, gentlemen. It's the sugar. Does it to me every time." She set down her tea cup. "Where was I?"

"Your husband had been abducted," Watson said.

"Yes! Right from his seat by the hearth at the Sugar and Plum."

"That's what? Some sort of inn or tavern?"

"Oh,  the Sugar and Plum, it ain't no tavern. They serve only respectable beverages."

"Like tea and coffee and perhaps milk?"

"Mr. Rodenthurst says that's up to the customer. He always has his coffee with a boost of Jamaican syrup. Says it clears his head."

Albert Rodenthurst

Watson turned to me. "I see."

Mrs. Rondenthurst giggled once more.

"You say your husband was sitting near the hearth when he disappeared?" I asked this hoping to focus our guest on why she was there.

"Yes! Of course! That's why I'm here! My poor Albert! Abducted right before my eyes!"

"How was your husband abducted, Mrs. Rodenthurst?" Watson asked.

"Well, sir, it was a bit wonky. I had some of Albert's Jamaican syrup drink. My vision was a bit blurry. All I know is he was singing along with the lady on the stage one moment, and in the next he was being pulled up the chimney."

"Pulled up the chimney?"

"Crazy, ain't it?"

"Now why would someone want to abduct your husband?"

"That's what I was hoping you could tell me! And I'll tell you something else. Albert ain' t the first to go missing. Men all over Leedscrack have been disappearing for days!"

"Were these other men also at the Sugar and Plumb?"

"Might have been. A lot of them disappeared while working the fields. Oh, Dr. Watson! Can you help me find my Albert?"

Like Mrs. Rodenthurst, I awaited Watson's response.

INTERLUDE: Not a Creature was Stirring (A Watson and Bix Mystery)

 Chapter 2

Wondering Eyes

I must say I was caught off guard by the sight of the guest at the door. Diminutive and demure, the woman in front of me appeared to have wandered off the set of a community theatre production of  A Christmas Carol. She even spoke with a proper British lilt. 

A diminutive and demure guest

"Pardon me, sir," said she. "Is this the home of noted criminologist, Dr. Oliver Watson?"

"It is, madame. Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't. But this is a matter of great urgency."

"Perhaps you should contact Inspector Taslet of the Back Yard."

The woman became upset at the suggestion of this. 

"Oh, I can't! Don't you see? I musn't!"

At that moment my friend cleared his throat. "Come now, Bixley. Show the woman into the study. Ask Mrs. Quill to prepare some tea once she finishes with the spill in the hallway. I shall be in momentarily."

Mrs. Quill

"Yes, of course, Oliver. Madame, right this way."

I led the jittery woman into the study.

"Have a seat on the sofa, madame. Dr. Watson will be with you shortly."

"Oh, I ain't never been in such a fancy abode as this before."

"Your accent. Do I detect a bit of a northern end in it? Perhaps Manchester?"

"North of Leeds, south of York."

"That's a narrow strip of land. What's there?"

"Fields, mostly. And bog and moors. Very formidable."

"Well, sit comfortably. Whatever your situation, Dr. Watson will surely be able to help you."

I found Mrs. Quill in the hallway with a wet mop and a bucket of steaming, soapy water. She wrung the water from the puddle she had cleaned back into the bucket and straightened her back.

"One step ahead of you, Colonel Bixley. I put the tea on at the sound of the doorbell then grabbed me bucket and mop."

"Well done, Mrs. Quill. We'll be in the study."

I returned to the study to find Watson in his Queen Anne's chair and the woman where I'd left you. Watson looked up at me as I entered.

"Ah, Colonel Bixley. This is Mrs. Merry Lynn Rodenthurst. She brings to us a most interesting situation. Perhaps you could fill in my good friend Bix here as to what brought you here."

"Well, sir, as I was telling the criminologist here, the most extraordinary event has occurred. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe a word of what I'm about to tell you but I did so I do and I hope you will too otherwise we are all in mortal danger!"

INTERLUDE: Not a Creature was Stirring (A Watson and Bix Holiday Mystery)

 Chapter One

The Gift Giving Blues

Dr. Watson

Thus it came to be the week of gift-giving. The amicable Dr. Watson and I turned our attention to the more traditional method of holiday shopping and surfed the web. I have always been troubled by this phrase. How is it possible to surf a web? The very nature of a web is to prevent movement. To hold its prey in place until the woolly spider can swoop down and incapacitate the unfortunate creature that happened upon the sticky, geometric barrier.

But as usual, I digress. 

Watson looked up from his book. "Have you found anything for my brother yet, Bix?"

I sighed. Ryecroft is a difficult dog to buy for. He's a high-ranking official with the SK9 Department. The mutt can have anything he wishes. Why Watson insists on buying a gift for him is beyond me.

Lt. Col. Bix (Ret.)

"No, Watson. I haven't. Couldn't we skip giving him a gift this year?"

"I suppose that is possible if you don't mind waking up in a shoebox being shipped to the Island of Misfit Pets. I hear there are lots of farms in need of mousers. Ryecroft would gladly arrange for you to be transferred to one of those."

"Yes, of course. Here's an idea. How about one of those humorous dog sweaters that say something pithy like 'I'd rather be a 'insert dog breed here.' How does that sound?"

"Ryecroft has such a delicate sense of humor. I say a pound of bacon snacks and be done with it."

"Excellent idea."

Watson looked up from his book. "Come to think of it, his doctor did tell him it was time to ease back on fatty foods."

"How about a box of chewable teeth cleaners."

"He'll feel insulted."

"A squeaky toy?"

"He's not a puppy, Bix."

"A rubber donut that plays a note two octaves higher than a middle C."

"Splendid idea, Bix! Ryecroft is a talented musician!"

Before I could click on the shopping cart icon to complete the sale, our doorbell rang. This of course sent Watson into a frenzy and he ran around the library barking like mad dog.

"There's someone at the door! Who's at the door? Someone is at the door! We have to open the door! I'll need to use the bathroom as soon as you open the door!"

I left the cursor pulsing over the shopping cart. Someone had to answer the door.

File 1: Orientation

Orientation at the Two-Seven

 The Commissioner cleared his throat.

"On behalf of the Back Yard, I'd like to welcome our two newest detectives, Sargeant Lynx and Sargeant Butterscotch to the Two-Seven. Both were highly decorated in their classes. I feel both will be beneficial in restoring community trust after the scandal that ruined the career of Captain Bellaclaw. When I last spoke to her, she was enjoying her retirement. Again, Sargeant Lynx and Sargeant Butterscotch, welcome. The Yard is yours."

Bellaclaw in retirement

Much mewing and barking filled the room. The dignitaries followed the Commissioner out of the room.

Lynx and Butterscotch looked out the Observation Booth at the yard. Squirrels ran rampant.

"It's a big world out there," Lynx said.

Butterscotch stretched his back. "And it's all ours, partner."

Sargeant Lynx blinked. She was going to like it here.

 

Foreward

 I decided it was time. 

After the loss of Momo (Sgt. Whiskers) and then Ghenghis (Sgt. Stripes), we had a cat deficiency in the house. There was still Tofu (Captain Bellaclaw) but a sneezing, deaf, ornery old cat doesn't really spark the imagination.

Then we got Kimba and shortly thereafter came Gobi.

I decided it was time.

Time to bring back the Catectives in a new chapter of life at the Two-Seven. 

So for the three of you who subscribed to the old Catectives, bookmark this new one.